Fire Sale!
Do you feel like the only person not getting special privileges from your government? Does it seem like red tape and bureaucracy only stand in your way? Not anymore! Now you too can control the leader of the free world. No illegal brides, pricey kickbacks, or questionable quid pro quos. Just a one time payment of $15.99 (shipping included) and you can enjoy all the same perks and favors as the elites from around the world.
Disclaimer: Purchase of this product does not guarantee any favorable treatment from any elected official.